Saturday, August 30, 2008

Clothing-Optional Getaway

Once in a while I need to leave town, option a luxurious vacation resort, be anonymous, and relax. I went to Virginia the other day via internet to save gas, then optioned a quick side trip to Key West, Florida. It took less than five seconds to go from Virginia to the southernmost city in the continental US. Internet travel at its best.

Once there, I took the IPix Virtual Panoramic Tours to Bahama village, Clinton Square, and Higgs Beach. I also walked poolside at a clothing-optional hotel for men. I’d guess that the other men were between 40-50 years younger than me. I wouldn’t take off my clothes around them. Kind of like revealing that you were a chimpanzee before you took up golf.

But the beach, pool, hotel and rules provide that ageless attraction of seeing how the other half live, the photoshopped half that lack bald spots, or a bridge of false teeth. They spend loads of time in the fitness room, have little in common with my everyday life, my aches and pains--an altogether different kind of morning stiffness.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Mr. Lane Changer Chased by Trigger Fingers

When Mr. Lane Changer glanced at his rear view mirrror on University Avenue, while also talking on his cell phone, he saw two crowded lanes of trigger fingers aiming at him. They were undeniably unhappy with his driving, darting dangerously in & out of traffic, speeding ahead, slamming brakes, rushing forward to be first at the red light, first to cross the intersection when the light turned green.

His heart was thumping. The trigger fingers were pointedly closer. He could hear their thump thump thump as the front line rode his back bumper, his Christian fish and yellow ribbon bumper stickers unable to protect him from their road rage. He saw the light changing, and as green appeared, he blasted across the intersection.

But halfway into the next block, he was pulled over by a local police officer. The officer detained him, and issued him a ticket. Thus, Mr. Lane Changer was saved from the passing trigger fingers, who otherwise, would have caught him, surrounded him, and been very happy trigger fingers indeed.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Clean the Crosses

My friend, Joe, sits in his backyard. A dove lands on a branch of his shade tree. His cat, Luna, notes the winged meal but lazes contentedly. The wind flutes through the branches, banks into a fence where a vine grows undistrubed. Joe occasionally hears screeching tires on nearby Missouri Ave. as people make their way to work. Nature can inspire Joe to write beautiful poems.

My friend, Dick, sits on his deck, admires the Organ mountains while the setting sun casts a lavender sheen. He imagines all the rooftops in his view forming waves, his deck becoming an ocean liner, his plastic lawn seat a sturdy captain’s chair, his wife standing near the bow, hair billowing sensuously in the early evening mist. Nature can inspire Dick to write beautiful poems.

My inspiration is a bumper sticker. A lawsuit was filed against the city of Las Cruces (City of Crosses) to remove crosses from official city logos. I go to Walmart, park next to a van with a bumper sticker that says, “Save the Crosses.” I agree with the van, “Save the Crosses,” but I wonder if the bodies could be removed each day before sunrise. They upset most of the tourists.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

God is Now Your Friend on MySpace

I received an email this morning. Its subject line was, “God is now your friend
on MySpace.” I knew God had a sense of humor because I checked out his MySpace page. Instead of a photo of Himself, he had a portrait of Himself by Michaelangelo. It was painted a long time ago. God probably looks a lot older now. Also, I thought the index song that plays when you download His page might be “Adventures in Paradise,” or something similar. It’s Eric Burden and the Animals’ doing “House of the Rising Son.”


I’ve often heard average people say that no one really knows which path leads to God, but I do. I was searching for a poetry site on the internet called, “Shaking Like a Mountain,” a cite that wants poems about songs. On SLAM’s Myspace page was a friend listing for “Dead Men Interviews” which I’d heard about somewhere. The interviewer, Michael Stusser, will ask of painter Frida Kahlo, for example, if she might consider a brow wax.


While listening to these Dead Man mp3 interviews, I saw a friend listing for Historical People, so I clicked the link to that page and there was “Cyrus the Great” whose bio I had seen the night before on the History Channel. I went to the Cyrus the Great’s space, and there, among his friends, was God. I sent God an email, asking Him if he would be my friend. He responded promptly and became my friend #281. He’s not a “Top Friend” yet, but who knows? It could happen. Anyway, that’s the path I took to find God.