Is Divorce, Foreclosure, and Crime in the Future of Dick and Jane?

Dick and Jane marry, have a daughter, Sally Mae, a son, Freddie Mac, and a dog, Dot.com. Dick and Jane work long hours. While Jane prepares dinner from the groceries she shopped for after work, Dick puts a load of kids clothes in the washing machine, (clothes he will later place on hangers or fold neatly) helps Sally Mae with her lessons, and changes Freddie Mac’s diaper. He also gives Dot.com fresh water. No one in this household, including Dot.com, barks at another.

Across town, another Dick and Jane marry, have a daughter, DJ, a son, JR., and a dog, Bow Wow. Both work outside the home. Dick yells at Jane to have dinner early. Jane yells at Dick to help with the kids, the house, the laundry. Dick always wants sex. When he doesn’t get it, he kicks Bow Wow. Bow Wow barks. Every third week, Jane kicks the kitchen cabinets and curses Dick while the kids run for cover. Dick goes to a bar, comes home hours later, says he’s sorry, and wants to have sex. Bow Wow barks.

The Difference between homosapien and homicidal may be situational. After George W. Bush and Dick Cheaney busted the economy with their top 1% of incomes friends, mostly self-centered, self-righteous liars and deniars (sic. republican’ts and republic-cons), Sally Mae fell in with the wrong crowd and Freddie Mac started pulling off his diaper and using Dick’s favorite chair as a crapper. Meanwhile across town, DJ was arrested for theft at a Wally World, JR joined a violent gang , and Bow Wow bit the mailman. Jane lost her job. Her boss said she didn’t need it as much as a man who had to support his family, and that pissed off Dick because he didn’t make enough from his hourly wage to pay for everything alone.

Maybe this doesn’t prove anything about homosapiens, but it sure feels better to hear our leaders say, “One Nation, One People” instead of “You People” and “Our People.”